The Greek Courier
The Lone Star State report is fully complete with runaway blue shirts and nasty gerrymandering
August 4, 2025
In a classic Texas showdown, local Democrat reps have pulled a classic "cowboy" maneuver: they’ve fled the state to dodge a GOP redistricting plan that’s more skewed than a funhouse mirror. With a plan that could create five new Republican-leaning districts, it seems President Trump’s wish for a red Texas just might come true.
The Texas House of Representatives is in a state of gridlock, with GOP members left twiddling their thumbs. Despite holding a substantial majority, Republicans can’t conduct business without the 100-member quorum that only exists in their dreams, thanks to the Democrats taking a little field trip to more hospitable territories like New York and Illinois.
Texas House Speaker Dustin Burrows, clearly frustrated, summoned his inner authoritarian by locking the chamber doors and issuing civil arrest warrants for absent lawmakers. "Leaving the state doesn’t stop our work, it just delays it," he declared, probably while wondering if a map could help him find the fleeing Democrats.
State Rep. James Talarico (D-Austin), holed up in Illinois, likened the situation to two football teams where the leading team suddenly decides to change the rules mid-game. "If the Republicans are going to cheat, Texas Democrats are not going to play," he quipped, clearly ready for a political game of hide-and-seek.
Governor Greg Abbott didn’t take kindly to the Democrats’ disappearing act. He urged them to "behave like adults" and suggested they should face punishment for their "AWOL" status. Meanwhile, Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton, eyeing a Senate seat, declared that rogue lawmakers could be tracked down and brought back to the Capitol. Sounds like a reality show waiting to happen!
Democrats attending the National Conference of State Legislatures in Boston took the opportunity to warn their peers: "It’s Texas now, but it’s coming for you next!" said Rep. Ana Hernandez, clearly channeling her inner Cassandra.
In New York, where some Texas Democrats have sought refuge, Governor Kathy Hochul stood in solidarity, hinting that her state might consider its own redistricting. "If Republicans are rewriting the rules, we’ll have to play the game too," she stated, as if preparing for a political chess match.
Redistricting is typically a post-census affair, so this mid-decade shakeup raises eyebrows. While Texas Republicans are pushing for their own gerrymandered utopia, states like California and Ohio are eyeing similar moves, all while claiming it’s for the greater good.
The irony? This redistricting push was tucked into a special session called by Gov. Abbott to deal with the aftermath of the deadly Hill Country floods. Democrats condemned it as a bait-and-switch, with state House Democratic Caucus Chair Gene Wu calling it a "profound act of contempt" for the people of Texas. "When a majority uses its power not to govern but to erase the voices of fellow citizens, it forfeits its legitimacy," he declared, a statement that could rival any Shakespearean tragedy.
As the dust settles, it’s clear that the battle over Texas's congressional map is far from over. The Democrats may have hit the road, but this showdown is just getting started. Stay tuned for the next episode of "As the Capitol Turns," where the stakes are high and the gerrymandering is even higher!
No comments:
Post a Comment