My dream, on the other hand, is more mundane, Sam. Come November, the Democrats win big. Trump is forced to quit, and all this absurdity stops. The transition with JD Vance surrounded by a Progressive Democrat Congress is smoother; the US pulls out of Iran, Cuba, Venezuela, and the bombing in Gaza stops because Netanyahu has no leverage over him. The Dark Emperor is forced into exile. Putin invites him to Russia, where he spends the rest of his life with the fear of poisoning.
I walk out of my house, enter a coffee shop, and have a double espresso on the rocks. The internet is quiet, the world soundless. “Dear Prudence” is high on the charts. Lennon sings, “The sun is up, the sky is blue, it’s beautiful and so are you,” and my tears are flowing like a river.
But this is not that day yet.
Today, absurdity rules. The Donald said he will drop his demand for a 20 per cent fee on cargo passing through the Strait of Hormuz, as the US and Iran still exchange drones and missile hits for control of the critical chokehold. Instead of a fee, which he had expected Gulf allies to pay, the countries would instead invest in the US.
-Well, the way you run this country, buddy, they might as well invest in the Mouth of Madness rather than waste their money in the US.-
Here are the words of Madness, straight from Truth Social: “Based on highly productive conversations with Middle East leadership, I have decided to replace the 20% United States Reimbursement Fee with trade and investment deals that the various Gulf states will be making into the United States.”
Oops, he did it again, and his new TACO U-turn came just a few hours ahead of the scheduled reimposition of the US military blockade against ships transiting Iranian ports and coastal areas. Trump, just like the original P.I.M.P., had on Monday demanded the 20 per cent fee from everybody crossing the strait, including his Gulf buddies, saying the US was entitled to levy the charge for serving as the “guardian” of the chokehold. In the Oval Office on Tuesday, he said that he reversed course on the charge following calls from Gulf leaders who apparently said: “We’d love to do it a different way. We’d love to invest in the United States with billions and billions of dollars.”
Ha, ha, ha, ha. I am done laughing. Stupidity is a sickness. Sometimes it’s funny; it cracks you up. Sometimes it makes you wonder if it’s all worth it, especially when madness lives in the remnants of what used to be the White House.
Yet, there was no immediate confirmation of any investment pledges from Gulf states, as Trump obviously speaks to himself and nobody listens to him anymore.
At the same time, hostilities between the US and Iran are escalating as the two move ever closer to a return to full-blown war. The American military has launched six rounds of strikes against Iran, hitting hundreds of targets, with Trump promising a seventh on Tuesday night. Oh, about the blockade: it is due to be reimposed at 4pm Eastern time, but don’t bet your shares on it.
Pimping the Gulf
Trump’s U-turn on the proposed fee was the safest bet on Earth. Some of his millionaire and billionaire friends, owners of shipping companies, condemned the proposed toll as “fundamentally wrong” and against international maritime law, which it was. I had to write a full article explaining why a surcharge would trickle down to all consumers, and why the price of crude returned to $85 a barrel. Any other politician who dared to say something similar would lose his job the day after.
But with Trump, there is a sense of leniency. “Oh, he is just f—ing around,” everybody says. “He will be back to his senses in a few days, when someone in the White House explains to him that the toll was the worst idea he had after the last one…” I guess we did not have to wait that long. Jakob Larsen, chief safety and security officer at the biggest shipowners’ association BIMCO, messaged him that the charge would constitute “a further disincentive to transiting the strait,” adding that this could only have been offset by “a significant reduction in the threat from Iran.” And as container shipping line Hapag-Lloyd said: “It would be fundamentally wrong to charge tolls for passage through international waters.”
I am sitting on my balcony, watching the cars go by, trying to enter Trump’s brain wavelength to feel his reaction. No passaran, says the key keeper. There is nothing here to see. It’s empty.
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