Why are Donald Trump's Press Secretaries widely incompetent but incredibly funny?

By Yiannis Damellos

Now, folks, this is material for another SNL skit, I tell you. At her first White House briefing, Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt vowed to make Anthony Scaramucci, the "Mootch" and Sean Spicer look like Thespians on an Aristophanes play, as she made an "unusually" dum but outrageously funny claim about chickens. Read on because it gets better...

Leavitt practically accused the Biden administration of directing the killing of 100 million chickens so the Trump administration would fail to lower the price of eggs! And I bet she got jealous of her predecessors' fame who were portrayed by Bill Hader and the amazing Melissa McCarthy who, by the way, had won Best Guest Actress in a Comedy Series at the Creative Arts Emmy Awards in 2017. 

(Before we go on, a reminder. On July 21st, 2017, Sean Spicer, resigned after telling President Trump he vehemently disagreed with his appointment of Anthony Scaramucci, a New York financier, as his new communications director. As for the Mooch, the Wall Street financier lasted only 10 days as White House communications director, because he had called Chief of Staff Reince Priebus  "paranoid schizophrenic" in a conversation with a reporter and in the same phone call, he had also directed profanity-laced insults at Chief Strategist Steve Bannon).

Now let's go back to the woman who got me out of bed so early in the afternoon to write this rant, Karoline Leavitt. What, in the name of the Lord, was the White House Press Secretary thinking when she said that Biden directed the mass killing of 100 million chickens, which has led to a lack of chicken supply in the country and, therefore lack of egg supply, which is leading to the current shortage? That there is a vast chicken conspiracy?

Just a second here, as most proofreaders would agree, this claim needs some context.

Somebody tell Karoline Leavitt, a BA in communications and an Atkinson NH native, that those “killings” are required by the Department of Agriculture to contain the spread of the highly contagious avian flu that has afflicted 100 million birds since 2022. I do not say that, it is the American Farm Bureau Federation who says it. 

Now, the egg-laying birds either die naturally or are culled to avoid the spread of the deadly virus. Therefore, it is up to farmers to report an outbreak to state officials and the Department of Agriculture, which in turn will eliminate the impacted flock. You can call them Biden snitches if you want, Miss Leavitt, but they are just farmers who, under such circumstances, apply for financial assistance from the USDA if they lose their flocks. If you think they are responsible as well for the blatant promises of your superfluous boss to instantaneously lower grocery prices, you can cut their assistance. But, hey, you still can't eat an omelet if you don't break eggs... 

Speaking about context, since you have a Communications Degree as I do, since 2022, Americans have been slammed by record-high egg prices, which are expected to get even more expensive. As CNN reports, egg prices are estimated to increase about 20% in 2025, compared to about 2.2% for food prices in general, according to the Department of Agriculture’s price outlook. 

I guess in Donald Trump's 2024 presidential campaign HQ, you don't read too many things about eggs, you just use them in the context of propaganda, when you promise to lower grocery prices “starting on Day One.” Good, alright. But, in November and December alone, right after you won the election, the virus killed about 17.2 million egg-laying hens – half of 2024’s total, according to the USDA. The avian flu also spread to dairy farms and was detected in humans. Are you insinuating that the Biden administration was responsible for that too? 

I'll tell you what. From now on, when you come up with such wonderful thoughts, it is advisable to call the USDA or the Bureau of Labor Statistics before Elon Musk shuts them down. It would also be thoughtful to check on the Consumer Price Index. For example, that would tell you that the average price of a dozen large grade-A eggs was $4.15 in December, up from $3.65 in November,  and that egg prices were also up more than 36% year-over-year. That final statistic would also be a good reason NOT to promise the Americans that you can lower the price of eggs “starting on Day One.” But you can't change a pathological liar, who knows eggs only from his Egg McMuffin.

As Emily Metz, president and CEO of the American Egg Board, previously said to CNN, Miss  Leavitt, “not to be the bearer of bad news, but we’re in this for a while, and it comes during more than 20 consecutive months of record-high demand.

So, if the infected egg-laying birds weren’t killed, the virus could spread and egg prices could be even higher. And unless Elon Musk decides to change its bird flu policy, Trump’s USDA will have to assist as well in the “mass-killing” of chickens.

So cut the crap. You promised lower grocery prices “starting on Day One.” while all economists agreed they’d be almost impossible to achieve and could risk creating a negative cycle where one bad event triggers another, which then worsens the first event, creating a downward spiral with no clear way out. 

Miss Leavitt, “No president has been able to lower prices in a week, and some of the promises that were made about how quickly prices were going to come down were probably never achievable.” I don't say that either. It is Tyler Schipper, economist and associate professor at the University of St. Thomas in St. Paul, Minnesota, who said that previously on CNN. If you did not only watch FOXNews, maybe you would have known the truth and you would not spread conspiracy theories at your first White House briefing.

Yours truly, an egg lover