Demolition Man to present plans for East Wing ballroom in January. Rumor has it, it will look like the ballroom of the Overlook Hotel!

The Greek Courier
Yiannis Damellos

White House to Reveal Exciting Details on Trump’s East Wing Ballroom Extravaganza! It will resemble the Ballroom of the Overlook Hotel!

Ah, nothing says "we're focused on the big issues" quite like Trump’s ambitious $400 million ballroom project, now facing a delightful cocktail of legal challenges and accusations of power abuse. It's almost as if the planning commission has decided that reviewing the demolition of the East Wing is just too boring, opting instead for a ‘let’s ignore it’ approach.

As it turns out, the Demolition Man plans to dazzle us with details about his grand ballroom at a hearing early next month. Knowing the mastermind behind this abominable undertaking kind of makes you think: Hey, who wouldn’t want a ballroom that’s set to overshadow the actual White House, right? After all, who cares if the White House is white if everything that comes out of there is darker than darkness? So, let’s get on with the construction, even if it resembles the haunted ballroom of the Overlook Hotel!

And those preservationists are clearly just a bunch of party poopers, trying to put a halt to this architectural wonder with their pesky lawsuits. Of course, Democratic lawmakers are investigating the mysterious donors backing this magnificent display of wealth and taste. Speaking of wealth, why don’t you take a look at the photo above? You might recognize a few of today’s vampires: billionaires with unlimited funds or the remnants of once-living stock!

So mark your calendars for January 8! That’s when the National Capital Planning Commission, led by Trump’s former personal attorney (what a coincidence!), will host a show-and-tell about the East Wing makeover. Spoiler alert: they’re not actually reviewing the demolition or considering any effects on historic properties—because why mess with tradition when you can make it bigger? Trump likes bigger. Bigger is good!

And this is why the National Trust for Historic Preservation is throwing a fit over the proposed 90,000 square foot ballroom, claiming it could overshadow the puny 55,000 square feet of the White House. Oh please! A bunch of drama queens bitching about classic historic preservation! Like archaeologists who just remembered to salvage the foundation's bricks from the dying corpse of American Democracy!

Another judge, in a fit of practical reasoning, refused to stop the project—apparently still waiting for the grand finale of specifications. The president, ever the hands-on enhancer of aesthetics, is busy turning Washington D.C. into his personal playground ahead of the 250th anniversary celebrations of the Declaration of Independence. This will mark his Independence from any Institution he vouched for when he was inaugurated. And let’s not forget his plan for a grand arch or the lavish gold leafing in the Oval Office, because clearly we haven’t honored past presidents enough without some self-serving plaques!

Oh, and the East Wing? Mostly demolished in October, with barely a whisper from the public. But fear not—the planning commission promises a formal review this spring, allowing the MAGA lunatics to voice their thoughts. How generous!