Poor Donald Trump believes he has discovered a revolutionary new economic theory: if you want people to vote for you, promise them $5,000 — preferably just before Election Day. Apparently, the man thinks a 5th-century B.C. electoral bribe, dressed up as an economic dividend, can somehow rescue his catastrophic tenure in the White House. I’m not sure who qualifies, or how a Trump voter is supposed to prove his Republicanism to the Treasury after the ballot has disappeared into the box. But I do remember one or two of Trump’s previous schemes that failed to deliver a dime, even to the more credulous members of his political volk.
Speaking at the Republican National Midterm Convention in Dallas on Sept. 9, Trump announced that every American adult would receive a $5,000 “dividend” if Republicans retain control of Congress in the November midterm elections. This is apparently what economic policy looks like now: first you win the election, then Congress presumably finds $5,000 for every adult American hiding behind the sofa.
Now, there is a small detail missing here. The delusional 47th POTUS did not explain precisely where the money would come from, how much the program would cost, or, more importantly, how he plans to persuade Congress to hand him the checkbook. He assumed the money would come from the billions supposedly being collected from his tariffs on foreign imports, and rushed to accuse the Democrats that they “don’t do tariffs. Which is a little like saying the local bakery cannot give everyone a free cake because it does not own a chainsaw.
There are many complications, though, and spending is not the most serious one. Federal spending is generally a congressional affair, meaning somebody in Congress would have to authorize the money. But the crucial complication is another; it involves federal law. A federal statute prohibits offering or making an expenditure to induce someone to vote or withhold a vote. Willfully violating it can carry a fine and up to two years in prison. So the president has proposed giving Americans $5,000 if they vote for the party controlling Congress, while everyone is expected to politely refrain from asking whether that sounds remotely like buying votes.
Trump, naturally, has already thought of the important part: what Americans do with their imaginary money once they receive it. He said there will be one condition. The dividend must be spent in the United States. “We don't want you going to Canada to spend the money. We don't want you going to China, to Germany," he cried out, as the United States is now offering a $5,000 shopping voucher with a geopolitical exclusion clause. Canadians, Germans, and Chinese manufacturers are advised to remain calm and hide the receipts.
Rip-off Man
Of course, there is a certain historical charm to all this because Trump has promised dividends before. In 2025, he promoted $2,000 tariff-funded checks for some Americans and at one point suggested the money could arrive by mid-2026. It did not. The checks remained in the same place as many other Trump promises: somewhere between the announcement and reality.
Then there was the $1,776 bonus Trump announced for military personnel in December 2025. Those payments did happen, but they were not funded by tariff revenue, as Trump initially suggested. The Pentagon paid them from a $2.9 billion military housing supplement that Congress had already appropriated under the “Big Beautiful Bill.” In other words, Trump didn't create a new dividend from his tariff windfall; he repackaged money Congress had already authorized and handed it back to the troops with his name on the box.
And then came the $5,000 stimulus idea floated by Trump's short-lived Department of Government Efficiency, supposedly financed through savings discovered by DOGE. Those checks also failed to materialize and DOGE itself has since gone to that great government-reform department in the sky.
Now the $5,000 Trump Dividend has arrived, apparently just in time for the midterms. Trump even reminded his audience that he really is running, despite not technically being on the ballot. “Please pretend that I'm running and get out and vote,” he said, before clarifying the obvious: “Because in actuality I really am running.”
Yeah, you are running out of time
The political timing is not exactly mysterious. Republicans are trying to defend narrow majorities in both chambers, while recent polling has Democrats ahead. A Sept. 4-8 Economist/YouGov poll found 42% of registered voters intending to vote Democratic compared with 35% Republican; an Aug. 31 Reuters/Ipsos poll put the numbers at 43% and 38%, respectively. So the Republican campaign strategy appears to have evolved into a sophisticated two-part program: panic, followed by $5,000.
And there is the beauty of the proposal. It contains everything a modern political promise requires: an enormous number, an unspecified source of funding, a patriotic spending restriction, a congressional problem, a bombastic legal problem, and a conveniently timed election. What could possibly go wrong?
Of course, Americans should not spend the money yet. They should probably not even clear a space in their wallets. The previous dividends never arrived, and this one still requires Congress to approve the cash and the laws to permit the arrangement. But there is one thing Trump has already managed to deliver in full: the dividend of hope. It costs nothing. And, unlike the $5,000 check, it has no expiration date.
A Miracle in the Making
And here is the real beauty of the Trump Dividend. Unlike those Democratic Socialists who tax the rich and then hand the money to ordinary people, Trump has found a much more sophisticated system: he takes the money from ordinary people first, through tariffs and higher prices, and then promises to give some of it back to them — provided, of course, that they vote Republican. It is not redistribution from the rich to the poor. It is redistribution from your left pocket to your right pocket, with Donald Trump standing in the middle, taking a cut and demanding your vote for the privilege. America has apparently entered the golden age of economic innovation: pay me first, vote for me later, and I’ll give you back $5,000 of your own money. Not!
No comments:
Post a Comment